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Who do you envy in the world, and why?
I don't really believe in envying anyone. It seems like a wasted emotion, a whole realm of misplaced and pointless exertion. Most things that are envied, a person can get if they want them enough or work hard enough, something like that. It's easy to hate someone for what they have if you're too lazy to try for it yourself. Hating is easy. It's getting further away from that hate and making it into something more that makes a person into something more. And we really can have anything that we want, it's just a matter of wanting it enough to go out and get it.
But with that all in mind, if I absolutely had to choose a person I envied and why, I think I'd choose a mindset rather than a specific person.
I would most envy a person who could go to sleep at night without any kind of burden on their mind. That's something, a luxury, really, that I don't get to do or experience. That would be someone worth envying, a person who can lay down and close their eyes and just drift into a more relaxed, content state of mind, a real kind of sleep. Something that was luxurious and real, restful and complete.
That kind of sleep is one I haven't had in years. I can remember the last time I did, and it was when I was much younger, when I still wore glitter on my cheekbones and shiny lip gloss to pretend at being more grown up than I was. When I was six years old I could still pirouette around in satin shoes, pretend they were ballet slippers and think I could dance if I wanted to. That was the last time I had a real sleep like that, when I was young and still believed in happy endings.
If there's anyone who still can sleep like that at night, that would be the person I would envy.
Muse: Lisa Cuddy
Fandom: House M.D.
Word Count: 328
“The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn't been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him.” Pablo Casals
She was too small and young to know just how precious she was, but I knew. I'd known from the moment I saw her, from when I first took her in my arms and felt the tiny face press itself into my shoulder. There is, always has been and always will be something completely magical about the beginning of a new life, with all of the wonder and curiosity that comes from new, blinking eyes. When Rachel was seeing things for the first time I was there to see her see them, and while that sentence feels as if I've strung too many pronouns together, end over end, it's the truth.
For awhile, I thought that all I wanted was a child. But I realized later, somewhere along the lines of things coming together as they will and fate taking whatever kind of course it so desires (whether we want it to or not) that I had been given so much more than what I had wanted. And that's the thing about miracles, how they come in small and unexpected packages and in an equal means of places, how there's no way to know for sure when you think you see them, but that they do exist.
Rachel doesn't know how much of a miracle she is. But some day, I'll tell her. I know she won't believe me, but that's all right because I'll never get tired of telling her.
Muse: Dr. Lisa Cuddy
Fandom: House M.D.
Word Count: 241
Title: Playing a Hunch
Pairing: Lisa Cuddy/Fox Mulder
Summary: A strange murder at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital sparks the attention of Special Agent Fox Mulder who is certain the crime is connected to another case from the past.
Note: A gift for katernater.
( “Doctor Cuddy, to most people my work itself doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make it any less true.” Collapse )
It's better to be looked over than overlooked. -Mae West
When I was in college, I used to hate being looked over. There were different kinds of ways to be looked over, sure, but I hated the dissecting, undressing looks that came from pompous graduate students who thought the world was handed to them on a platter just because they could play polo or some other equally pretentious game with a reasonable degree of finesse. There were mindless girls for that, who would care about falling into that category, but I wasn't one of them. I had other things to do with my time, better things, ones that required the actual exercising of brain cells and applying myself to something that wouldn't be easy to obtain.
But it's funny, how it feels to have someone look at you. And I think the funny part comes from thinking that you know what you want, then finding out just how wrong you were. Because I was sure I never wanted to feel another pair of roving eyes in my lifetime, that I'd had more than my fill of being visibly undressed by the eyes of a person I didn't know and didn't care to.
And then I audited his endocrinology class. And then he looked at me, and I realized that if he looked at me with the same dissecting gaze that I hated, chances were that I wouldn't mind.
Muse Name: Lisa Cuddy
Fandom: House M.D.
Prompt Number: Prompt Week 7
Title: Inquiries of Awe and Wonder
Word Count: N/A
Muse Inquiries - Awe and Wonder:
1. Would your muse consider himself/herself a cynic?
The knee jerk reaction to this question is to say no, of course she isn't a cynic, Cuddy is a doctor and focused on the medical profession, and how could a doctor be a cynic? But thinking more intently and closely on this, I'd say that to some kind of extent, Cuddy must have held a degree of cynicism. She'd keep it secret, or as secret as she could keep it from people who knew her well, but she's seen too much death and loss through her life and in her career to not feel some kind of cynicism, at least in the back of her mind. She'd wonder why something that happened tragically had to happen that way, what could have happened differently to to bring another, better outcome, or something along those same lines. It wouldn't become all consuming and she would never sink into a state of complete despair, but she would feel the ache of want for things to be different, for the better, and she would shed tears over the loss but she'd never become completely cynical.
2. What things make your muse emotional?
Anything personal. Cuddy takes personal criticism harshly, even if she doesn't always show it. She prides herself on making herself into the best person she can be, both at her job and off the clock, and if she's ever confronted with an imperfection of her own and forced to face it, she tends to shrink away rather than face it. She isn't weak by any means, she's strong willed and capable, but she doesn't like to openly admit to her own faults and face them. She also has a strong emotional attachment to children, and any time a child is admitted to the hospital she tends to take a personal interest in them. She doesn't like to see children in pain, and she wants to do whatever she can to make sure they're given the gift of a full, strong life.
3. Does anything trigger a sense of awe or wonder in them?
I think Cuddy is always brought to feel wonder by the miracle of life, even though she sees it and hears of it frequently when she's at work. She cares so much about children and wanting to have a child of her own that I don't think that kind of miracle would ever become repetitive or redundant to her. She always seems to care so deeply for children that I think this would have to be a consistent thing in her life.
4. What sorts of things impress your muse?
Cuddy is impressed on a professional level by the works of modern medicine and the things that can come from medical science. She finds comfort in seeing that the work she's devoted her life to is serving to make the world a better place, even if it's in one city, and I think those are feelings that comfort her at the end of every day. I also think she's impressed by love, not just passing infatuation but love that lasts and endures, because that's something rare and precious that can't be replicated. Cuddy appreciates the wonders in life, the things that can't be easily categorized and referenced, the things that are the most real and that should always be the most important.
5. Does your muse inspire awe in others? How do they feel about that?
I don't think Cuddy knows that she inspires awe in anyone else, or if she does she doesn't give it too much thought because she turns the focus of her mind elsewhere. But I do think she inspires awe in those she sees every day at the hospital, from the patients to the doctors, interns and students who interact with her, because she cares so deeply for the work she does and the lives attached and entwined to it. She has a good, strong and warm heart, and it comes through in the work she does.
6. What sorts of things immediately capture your character's attention?
A child's laugh, a loving look, the intensity of a touch that might or might not be accidental, the way a heart can skip a beat with a kiss, the promise and drive of a job well done, and many other things.
7. Are there things, whether secret or known, that are weaknesses in your character's defenses?
Her own feelings and emotions are Cuddy's biggest weaknesses, and the inadequacies she feels that she possesses in spite of her constant drive to be the best possible person she can be. It sounds concise and succinct, but it's probably the best way I can think of to describe Cuddy.
8. Describe a moment when your character was truly humbled/awed/inspired by something in nature. Maybe it was the first time they saw the ocean, or the first time they saw a new life.
I'm coming back to the moment when Joy was born. Cuddy was in the room where Becca was delivering her, even though the birth was early and in impossibly difficult circumstances. When Joy cried and Cuddy held her in her arms, there was awe and pure, unadulterated wonder there. She was happy, and it was a happiness that came from nature, from a place other than herself.
9. Does technology or science awe your character?
Both. Cuddy faces science and its mysteries every day, and technology at the same time. I think that if she had to choose one over the other it would be science because of the medical advances that come from it, but that doesn't mean technology is any less wonderful to her.
10. Is your character more awed by that which they understand or that which they don't?
The latter. Cuddy enjoys discovering mysteries, and even more wondering what the answers might be. It's the wonder of the unknown that turns her head.